Sunday, May 13, 2012

Wait, did that really just happen?

I haven't posted anything in a while, and while I do have some news about our fertility journey, I want to share what has happened to my family in the last couple of weeks. Last month when I was visiting my parents in Texas my mom and I made a trip to the hospital in San Antonio to visit my aunt who was waiting for a liver transplant. My parents had just moved to San Antonio from Houston and I was down helping them move in and get organized. I will forever be grateful for the timing of their move because it allowed me the opportunity to see my aunt one last time. Within the following two weeks her health deteriorated further. I don’t want to speak incorrectly so I will not mention specific details, but she eventually wound up in ICU on life support where her kidneys ultimately began to fail. It was decided by her family that she would be taken off of life support. My aunt was the kindest, sweetest, gentlest woman I believe that I will ever know in my life. I don’t remember a time when she didn’t have a smile on her face. She had a saying - “I love you higher than the sky, deeper than the sea.” She was so young – only 54 years old, and my heart aches for my uncle and my two cousins. I can’t imagine losing a parent so early in life, and I just hope that they are able to provide one another with the comfort they all need.  My aunt was buried a week ago.

The week leading up to my aunt’s funeral brought more pain for our family. My grandmother went in for a relatively elective heart surgery. She was healthy and full of life. The surgery went well. A few days after the surgery she suffered a couple of strokes….   The good news was that she was in the hospital when this happened – couldn’t have happened at a better place, right? She was rushed into surgery and had a clot buster surgery done and we were assured that, while the damage done was unknown, it was no longer a “life threatening” situation. Unfortunately, it was discovered that too much damage had been done.  The end result, after this elective surgery that she had packed her makeup and shorts for her trip home, was that my grandmother was taken off of life support and passed away. Less than a week after my aunt had been buried. A week to the day after my aunt was buried, my grandmother was buried. Today was her funeral and it was really a celebration of the person that she was and the life she lived. There was crying, but there was laughter. She touched so many people with her kindness, generosity, and her zeal for life. I was fortunate to have three sets of grandparents in my life. My grandmother because just that when my mom and stepdad married when I was a bitty girl. She took me in and never treated me any differently than any of her other grandchildren. She was funny. She loved to dance and sing, play games, play pool. Her quirky sayings. Her black hair. Her gingerbread man cookies on the Christmas tree. Her lasagna every single Christmas Eve. Singing Three Dog Night with my aunt. Margaritas. Repeated stories. Her red nails (which were not red lately, but were for as long as I can remember). Her cat figurine collection. Wine. Old albums being played in the background during a game of cards. Tubing with my cousin. Patience and strength. Faith. Humor. Courage. Her laugh. A phone call with the birthday song being sung while a ukulele was strummed. These are just a few things that fly through my mind when I think of Grandma. I wonder about the future and I worry about her kids – my dad and his brother and sisters. I worry about her granddaughter.

I really haven’t wrapped my mind around what has happened. I’ve felt bad because I don’t feel like I’m mourning like I feel I should be. Don’t get me wrong - I have cried and felt sadness, anger, disbelief. But I don’t think it has hit that within a couple of weeks we lost two fantastically unique women. These two women hit it off at my wedding six and a half years ago. I remember looking over and seeing them dancing with each other….except they weren’t dancing – they were spinning each other around in circles. Which didn’t seem like a good idea at all at the time, but they walked away unharmed. And now I see them together spinning and laughing and having such a wonderful time. I hope that they spin together in Heaven <3


Molly B said...

Beautiful. I love the image of them dancing in heaven. I'm sorry for your pain. I will pray for you.

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