…sort of. I went in Thursday morning for my first round of tests. First there was an ultrasound to check on whatever
follicles might be hanging out. Basically my doctor wants to find out what my
body is doing on its own this first round. After the ultrasound I had blood
work done. Here is what they are checking on/looking for: levels of estradiol,
FSH, anti-mullerian hormone (this hormone is produced by the ovarian follicles
and, from what I understand, a woman with lower AMH produces a lower number of
oocytes), and prolactin. They also are required to confirm that I don’t have
any infectious diseases since I am planning on becoming pregnant: Hepatitis B
and C, HIV, Syphilis, and Varicella-Zoster (which I just read is a form of
herpes and commonly causes chickenpox in kids and shingles in adults). They are
also looking at my TSH, or Thyroid Stimulating Hormone. During my last year or
so of taking growth hormone shots I was diagnosed as having hypothyroidism
(basically my thyroid was lagging behind; under producing) and was put on pills
to balance everything out for that last year. I was interested to find out if
all was still well in that area. I heard back from the nurse that afternoon and
was told that everything looked good – I am in the “normal” range (yay). The
infectious diseases lab work take a little bit longer to get the results back
and the nurse told me that no call is good news. I’m obviously not waiting around
for a phone call as I know I’m good to go in that department. As a side note,
out of the three doctors I’ve been to this is the only organization that
requires patients to be screened for infectious diseases. It makes sense as any
disease like that would be passed on to my baby should I become pregnant. And
probably anyone who has an infectious disease knows they have it…so for anyone
to intentionally keep that information from the doctors and proceed with
treatment in order to get pregnant, KNOWING that they are going to infect their
baby, is pretty jacked up.
Anyway,
while I was there I got Steven’s results for his semen analysis. So his numbers
are not looking good, in fact they are lower than they were in July. Now, I
believe that several factors are contributing to this issue. I know he’s not
secretly smoking. I’m not smelling any hint of cigarette smoke on him. If he is
smoking then he sure as hell is doing a fantastic job of getting rid of the
smell. So I know that’s not it. When I first went in for my initial meeting
with my doctor she informed me that it typically takes about three months for
sperm reproduction to get going again after a man quits smoking. So it’s
possible that his body is still in recovery mode. Also, I was reading online
that drastic weight loss can contribute to poor sperm production/count. Over the
past year and a half Steven has dropped over one hundred pounds, which is
pretty drastic. He drinks caffeine (I do, too, but I’m just saying.) And
lastly, Steven has major MAJOR knee problems and requires strong pain meds. So
there is a good chance that they are affecting his numbers. In fact, yesterday
his doctor told him that the type of pain meds he is on are the ones that will
least hurt his liver and reproductive organs. “Least affect”…so that means that
they are probably affecting him. Okay, we don’t know this for sure obviously. I’m
just saying that there are several things that could be working together to
cause this problem. Oh, plus he had been taking Clomid close to when he had his
numbers checked last time so that may have been helping his numbers then. We
have an appointment with a urologist Monday to get him checked out. I know that
he’s concerned that there might be something wrong, but I’m just not going
there at this point. He is a healthy person and has made several positive
changes over the past year and a half so it’s pretty disheartening for him to
find out that his numbers are lower than in July. But at the same time, I hope
and pray that there is nothing wrong. We’ll begin the investigation on that
Monday afternoon.
As for me, I
go back to the doctor Monday morning for a Saline Infused Sonogram (SIS), which
is where saline will be injected into my uterus to extend it so that they can
check things out more clearly. This will allow them to check out my uterus and
also to make sure my fallopian tubes are clear and open. Several years ago I
had something similar done to check my tubes and it was not the most fun thing
ever. I’ve been reassured that this will be less painful, but the way I look at
it (and that first tube check) is that this is just part of the process. Plus,
should I be blessed with a pregnancy I’ll be facing much more painful “stuff”
with a delivery. I say this now, but watch, the SIS will kill me Monday morning
and I’ll be like, “Holy crap, Y’all! That was horrible and I couldn’t walk
afterwards!”
Now for how
I’m feeling. I’m not going to lie. I was really upset when I got Steven’s
results. I know I KNOW that those results don’t mean that we are done, shutting
down the show, etc, but it was still upsetting to learn that there is one more
hurdle to jump in this process. I also know that I could be and might be facing
much more difficult news later during this process, but in the moment it just
wasn’t processed well. I held it together in the doctor’s office, but when I
got back to my car I just broke down and had a mini pity party. Luckily it had
been snowing all morning and I had privacy – my own little snow globe of a car –
and could just cry without worrying about people seeing me. Several times I
thought “Why?” and I’m not going to feel bad for asking that question. I’m just
not. Yes, our situation could be much worse, but this is what we’re facing and
it’s all relative. So I had my pity party, posted a could-be vague status on
Facebook to vent, and then started to pull myself together…partially because I
needed to start the process of looking forward and also because I didn’t want
to have to dig my car out of the snow that was still piling up. Have to be
practical, right? So anyway, I know that things could be worse. You can sit
there and say, “Oh, well that’s nothing. Here’s what WE had to go through.” But
for my own emotional and psychological state, I’m going to let myself feel any
emotions that come my way during this process. This is an incredibly emotional
process, and to be honest, I really don’t let myself think too far below the
surface most of the time. I take a “Here’s what we’re going to do…” attitude
and just go with it. I don’t sit and think about this not working because there’s
no reason to think that way yet. But sometimes I hit a snag and I feel like it’s
best to let myself go with those snags and work through however I’m feeling.
That’s just me though. On top of that it’s like, okay, I’m bringing all my baggage
to the table (that whole not being able to ovulate thing) and now we have to
deal with this on top of it? Not fair! (Again, I KNOW THAT THINGS COULD BE
WORSE.)
So that’s
where we’re at now. I’m still trying to do better with caffeine and my diet (I
will not allow myself to regret that delicious half of a chocolate pistachio cannoli
I ate at lunch) . But y’all, it just plain sucks! And exercising? I need to get
into gear and just GO TO THE GYM. It only got to freakin’ 16 degrees today.
There’s no stinkin’ way I’m walking more than I have to outside, so I need to
just bite the bullet and go to the gym. There’s always tomorrow…
